Jonah’s Journey
Birth Photography and Videography by Jennifer with Mamarazzi Photography
After more than a week past my EDD, I was more than ready to meet our boy. I woke up at 5:15am to my water breaking! Because my labor with Heidi was only three hours start to finish, I braced for another precipitous labor. Contractions started about 8 minutes apart and began getting closer together, so to avoid Jonah being born in the car, around 8:15am we let my midwife, birth photographer, and parents know that we were heading to the birth center. Labor began so similarly to Heidi’s birth that I was feeling confident we’d have a baby in our arms within a few hours. The drive to the birth center seemed to slow contractions back down to about 8 minutes apart. I labored outside on the birthing ball with the family and ate Chick-fil-A as my contractions got back up to about 5 minutes apart. I was impatient for Jonah to be born because the girls were there and they’d need to leave for their afternoon nap soon. Looking back, this anxious sense of impatience definitely was causing my labor to be slow. When the contractions came, they were strong, but they just weren’t getting much closer together than every 5 minutes.
My parents took the girls to lunch, to take a nap, and brought them back to the birth center. But again, my labor just wasn’t progressing past contractions being 4-5 minutes apart. They were very intense contractions when they came, and it was a lot of hard work, but putting my body on a clock of “he needs to be here soon” was working against me. There were so many sweet moments laboring with the girls — kisses on my tummy for baby Jonah, kisses for mommy, swaying together through a contraction. But I was definitely having an internal battle of expecting Jonah’s birth to be like Heidi’s and being frustrated that it wasn’t how I expected. Throughout the day, my midwife offered things to help labor progress such as labor enhancer tincture and something similar to a membrane sweep. I labored in all kinds of positions, I went outside for walks, I was doing all the “labor enhancing” midwifery tricks, and I was…frustrated. Labor is a mental game. It’s a game of surrender. And I wasn’t surrendering. I wanted things to happen on my time and to go my way (shocking 🤪). My midwife did a great job of reminding me that Jonah’s story was already written and that it was simply unfolding now. Surrender. She reminded me that Jonah’s story would be his own, not a duplicate of Heidi’s or one to follow the schedule I was hoping for in my mind. Surrender.
And finally around 5pm, I did. I asked my parents to take the girls home for the night. As soon as the pressure of “if he will hurry up and come now the girls will get to be here for it” lifted, labor picked up quickly. I got in the bath as my contractions got closer together. Unlike Heidi’s birth, I never reached a point of feeling like the contractions were “too much” or “too intense”. But my surrendering wasn’t over yet. Once the house got quiet and transition started, I realized I had to emotionally surrender. Every contraction reminded me of the contractions I had felt 10 months earlier when I was miscarrying our “April” baby. As I rested between each contraction, I wept. I wept for the baby I would never hold. I wept for the loss Chris and I had suffered. I wept tears of gratitude that this time — this labor — was different. I wasn’t alone in my bathroom. Or in bed with a heating pad and Chris massaging my back. I looked up at the people in the room: my husband, my midwife, her assistant, and my birth photographer. Through tears I simply said, “thank you guys for being here”. These contractions were bringing me closer to a healthy, living baby. This time was different.
The contractions were back to back at this point. I’d finally worked through the mental block that had been holding me back all day. Looking back, during the end of labor and transition, I didn’t need the physical help during contractions that I did with Heidi. I needed the mental and emotional help of just feeling loved and supported and seen as I worked through the final contractions and finished dilating. It was time to push…and I was exhausted. Contractions and transition weren’t my moment of “I can’t do this”. I actually felt very much like I could do it. But pushing felt daunting. I was just too tired. The thought even crosses my mind of tapping out and just saying “nope. Too tired. Can’t do it”. But with the help of my midwife, I pushed with all my strength. Apparently my tail bone wasn’t in a great position, so my midwife asked if I wanted to try a different position to make a little more room in my pelvis. But I just didn’t have the energy and decided I’d stay laid back in the tub how I was.
I pushed again, and I felt as his head came out. My midwife helped him rotate on the next push and then I got to catch him and pull him to my chest at 8:18pm. The best feeling in the world. He screamed and I smiled. We finally got to meet our son, hold him, hear him, look at his face. The best feeling in the world.
His face was pretty swollen from my tailbone, but he was here and healthy and wide-eyes as he took in the new world around him. I birthed my placenta and was told it was really big and Jonah’s cord was super long. After Chris cut the cord, we were ready to move to the bed. Chris had Jonah and the tub was emptied. When I stood, with the help of my birth team, to get out, a ton of blood came out of me. I had lost quite a bit of blood but not enough to need pitocin. Between the long labor, it being my third, and the blood loss, I could hardly keep my eyes open. The rest of the night is pretty fuzzy. I laid on the bed and nurses Jonah for the first time. I ate some of a Nothing Bundt Cake (an unbreakable tradition by this point). And I watched as all of Jonah’s newborn exams were done. 7.5 pounds! My biggest baby. My midwife asked if I could try to move to the bathroom to go pee. I made it to the toilet and immediately felt hot and dizzy. According to my midwife I never lost consciousness, but I blacked out and woke up in her arms on the bathroom floor. I made it back to the bed and fell asleep. I vaguely remember my midwife helping Jonah latch a few hours later when he was hungry. But it was just so hard to keep my eyes open — almost physically impossible. Around 4am we were ready to get what a burger and get home, but Chris had to carry me to the car because I was just so exhausted. Really for the next two days I couldn’t get out of bed without feeling like I could pass out.
This was such a new, unexpected experience, and it’s definitely the part of Jonah’s birth that I’ve had to process the most. Those few hours after birth have always been some of the best for me, so not being able to be present like I wanted to and feeling like I missed so much has been really hard. One thing about this birth that I’m so grateful for was the ability to be so emotionally and mentally present for every minute of the labor and birth. Heidi’s was so quick that it was 100% physical and I practically blacked out and wasn’t very mentally present. I loved getting to enjoy and soak up every minute of Jonah’s birth, my last birth. The experience was healing and beautiful. I learned so much throughout the day about myself and about surrendering. So much of motherhood - from pregnancy and beyond - is about surrendering. Laying what we can’t control down at God’s feet and learning to walk in faith.
